I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
