I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
