your thong is hanging out like whoa
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
