oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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