Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
