sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
