I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
