and you said cock pushups were impossible
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
