It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
What changed your mind?
Being sober
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
