I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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