There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
