Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
