Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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