So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
