I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Randomize
