there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
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