if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
