I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
