Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You were trust falling into bushes
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
