it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
