i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
