I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
