I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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