omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
