so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
