I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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