it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
