My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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