My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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