Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
