Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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