I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
