If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Randomize
