My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
