Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
