Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
This house was built for laser tag.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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