what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
3 2 1 whiskey
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
