This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
