apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
