"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
