i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Small penises have feelings too.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
