great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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