dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
As shirtless as possible
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
