20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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