I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Randomize