Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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