Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
