i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
