It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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