Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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