Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize