Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
