I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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