Why are handjobs necessary in class?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
