What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
