can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Pants are for mortals
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
