you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
