everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
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