i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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