i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
