BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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