census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize