You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
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