I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
