i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
