Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize