Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
