I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Damn victory sex feels great
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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