tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
