You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
