SEEEEXXX PLEASE
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
