If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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