You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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