I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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