Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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